Some days can get tough. Work can be demanding and our families need us. We’re just ready to rest and relax but we cannot. Most times, we’re overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the things we want to do, the promises we’ve made, the responsibilities, that pile of laundry, or our own thoughts.
Overwhelm has become so common today because of just how fast-paced everything is and how noisy our world is. Today’s external demands and life standards look significantly different than they did twenty years ago. It seems like there’s no end to our list. If we can be truly honest, underneath our overwhelm, we most likely have good intentions. To do good for others. To serve, to contribute, to give.
But despite our intention to do good, if it comes from a place of exhaustion and extreme self-sacrifice, it wouldn’t be received as well as we want it to be. Not only can it lead to resentment, but it can also be counterproductive. For example, if you’re a mother who’s taking care of a young girl while running your own business. You’re striving to do everything and care for everyone, sacrifice your well-being and always put yourself last.
What would you think the message your daughter would be getting from seeing you do that? What would she perceive?
Would she think:
A. I am so lucky, mum loves me so much!
OR
B. When I grow up, I will have to do the same thing, neglecting my needs, because this is what life truly is.
If you think the answer is A, you can be right, maybe, just maybe. But, unfortunately, this is not the case most of the time. Option B has a much higher probability. Your child learns about the world from watching you. Children learn from what parents do. Parenting is role modeling.
They learn from what we do, not what we say. The choices we make. How much we honor and love ourselves will be a benchmark to how much they can honor and love themselves. Now, if you’re sure that your daughter would pick Option A, I’d like to invite you to assess and take a gentle honest look.
Imagine this…
In the heat of the moment, when you only have a drop of energy and an ounce of patience left, but you’re still trying to clean all dishes in the sink, after 10 hours of work, and then your child refuses to go to bed. You have tried your best to be patient and loving. Then, after the 10th time she said no, you snap.
Because you’re human. You’re exhausted. You don’t know what else to do.
Would this then be perceived as unconditional love by your child?
Authenticity: The Ultimate Self Care
Now imagine when you are a mother, a leader, a woman who knows her worth and has clarity about just how much influence you might have over the people around you. Imagine being a woman who has the clarity of what’s truly important. Imagine having and living healthy boundaries, knowing when to say yes and when to say no. When to hold on and when to let go. Imagine moving with all responsibilities with zero resentments. Imagine having the ability to flow better in life.
When you are allowed to be yourself truly, you will realize that there will be less overwhelm in your life, less confusion and anger.
Not only you’ll be a better you for yourself, but also for everyone around you.
The Ripple Effect
Everything is energy. When you are living in alignment with your truest truth, you create a powerful and beautiful ripple effect just by being who you are truly. Almost effortlessly. Your contribution is more genuine and authentic. You can serve better and bigger. Your connection with your loved ones is deeper and stronger, not transactional.
Your people can really feel it.
This authenticity is so contagious as if your closest people receive a memo that it is possible for them to also do what you do:
Do good, while being unapologetically true and feeling truly good.
Then guess what happens when they too are being more intentional about their actions and influence? The effect continues. And that’s how the world evolves for the better. This is exactly why we should all be aware of our ripple effects.
Either spreading fear or freedom, the choice is in your hands.
Your Ripple Effect: Guided Journaling
One thing that has truly helped me to get clarity and be in alignment over the years is journaling. Somehow, putting your thoughts down onto paper makes everything just that much clearer. Journaling has made me a lot more aware of my thoughts, actions, and intentions.
Most times, a lot of us are just cruising through life, but when we want to get intentional with life, writing things down makes a huge difference. When you are your best self, you cannot even imagine the positive influence you would have on the people around you.
This is why I wanted to share this guided journaling practice with you.
This practice will help you:
- identify the current influence you have on others,
- understand what you want for yourself and who you truly want to be, and
- know what you can do to bridge the gap between your desires and your reality.
So, how do you start this guided journaling process?
Well first, let’s work on a self-assessment.
Step 1: Self-Assessment for the Ripple Effect You’re Creating
Answer these questions below:
1.1. On a scale of 1-10, how aware and intentional are you about the influence you have on others?
1 : not at all intentional or completely unaware
10 : very intentional and fully aware.
1.2. Also write down the kind of influence you have on the people in your life. From all the good parts as well as the bad ones. Be very honest with yourself.
For example: I show them genuine curiosity, I show them anxiety and control, or I show them how to be playful or it is safe to be real and authentic.
Group A. On your family (children, partner, other closest family members)
- From 1-10, How aware and intentional are you about your influence on them?
- What kind of influence do you believe you have on them? (A tip: imagine being in their shoes, what would they learn from interacting with you? Good and bad.)
Group B. On your team members / colleagues at work
- From 1-10, How aware and intentional are you?
- What kind of influence do you believe you have on them?
Group C. On your community (or your mission)
- From 1-10, How aware and intentional are you?
- What kind of influence do you believe you have on them?
Group D. On your close friends
- From 1-10, How aware and intentional are you?
- What kind of influence do you believe you have on them?
Think these things through and answer honestly. Bring into your awareness, how you have been practicing that influence this whole time, consciously or unconsciously.
| I would also suggest, if you’re feeling a little more courageous, to get feedback from these people in your life. How do you ask for honest feedback? 1. Have a clear intention. You want to learn about yourself better, not to seek validation or acknowledgment. 2. Choose certain people who you believe would give you honest feedback. Explain your intention to them. 3. Be clear with the kind of feedback that you want, specify the area in life that you want them to offer you feedback for. 4. Before going to the arena, ensure you’re internally ready and are in the space to regulate your nervous system if you get triggered. When you’re able to regulate yourself, they’ll feel safer telling you the truth. 5. Listen without judgment, focus on genuine curiosity. You might feel a pinch in your heart sometimes when you hear some constructive feedback. Breathe, long exhale. Anchor yourself in the intention. |
Once that’s done, you now have a comprehensive understanding of what kind of influence you believe you have on others, and what others think of you and the influence you have on them.
This approach will give you insight into what’s going on currently. Progress in life only comes with change and once you have this information, you can now start planning about what you truly want and desire.
Step 2: Becoming Aware of Your Desire
Start journaling about how you imagine your desired relationships with your family, children, partners, colleagues, friends, and society. Write it down. Fully immerse yourself and imagine yourself as your desired outcome. Use these questions as a guideline:
- How do you imagine yourself to BE (not do) for your surroundings? Give her a name.
For example:- For your children: A Calm Mother, A Curious Mother, A Playful Mother, A Conscious Mother.
- For your spouse/partner: An Understanding Partner, A Curious (non-judgmental) Partner, A Safe Space, A Collaborative Partner.
- For your team members/colleague: A Trusting Leader, A Supportive Team Member, A Collaborative Colleague
- For your work/mission: A Creative Entrepreneur, An Optimist Creator, A Heart-Centered Leader
- Imagine, how does that version of you act?
For example:
A. How would “A Trusting Leader” treat her team members daily?
B. How would “A Curious Mother” respond to her child?
C. What would she do? How would she speak? How would she respond to problems?
Step 3: Bridging the Gap of Desire and The Present
Now, you have both what’s happening currently in the present and your desired state. How do you then bridge the gap? Here’s the key. This is where we need to go back to what we elaborated on in the beginning.
Transformation can’t happen in the rational mind. You can try to embody these characteristics and some shifts can take place. But the attempt of adding qualities without first unlearning your past conditioning won’t make a sustainable change.
Trying to change your identity without excavating and releasing existing blockers in your psyche could only lead to more inauthentic dynamics and relationships. There’s no: “Fake it until you make it” when it comes to taking charge of your influence in your surroundings.
This is the place where honesty and observation take place.
Use any trigger and pain as a mirror to what potentially blocks you from who you want to be. Be very attentive to your inner stories and narratives. Don’t trust your knee-jerk thoughts, as they are products of decades of conditioning. But question everything. Have curiosity as your anchor when it comes to understanding your inner terrain.
Only when you understand your existing belief systems, your conditionings, and how they were shaped and formed, can you then take a journey towards your true inner freedom. To be that authentic woman, who creates unimaginable ripple effects in her life, almost effortlessly.
I do hope that this article has helped you learn more about yourself, understand your influence on others, and learn how to be your best self by breaking down all the things above.
Please make sure to give yourself some props as well. Exercises like these can be extremely draining as you will have to dig deep. But the ease, lightness, and inner freedom on the other side, is one that you need to continue living for.
If you’re feeling ready to take it further and need support, I am available for a free consultation so that we can identify your influence, wants, and desires so that you can get closer to your true authentic self sooner rather than later.
Click this link to find a good time slot. I cannot wait to speak with you!
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