“I’m amazed by how authentic you are, with the way you live and treat life around you,” she told me.
I noticed something felt off in my body.
It was not the first time someone told me such a statement. It does ring true to me now. But a few years ago, some of the first times I heard this, I was taken aback. I did not truly believe that I was living authentically.
And let me tell you why.
I have the honor to know a soul sister who often takes my breath away with her beingness. She’s unapologetically in her full expressions. All the colors she wears, the dances, even the noises she creates! She is confident, bold, and she outwardly embraces her sexuality. She speaks what’s in her mind and seems to be always comfortable with any kind of crowd she’s in.
I thought THIS was authenticity. And in my eyes, I was nowhere near there.
What is Authenticity?
As someone who was raised in the Asian culture, society told me to be polite, quiet, and easy. To be smart and achieve, but blend into the background and to not seek attention. So then the moment I started my healing journey, I mistakenly thought my quiet was, most definitely, inauthentic. I thought “uncaged” women are those who are super outgoing, loud, and expressive, on fire 24/7. Boy, how I was wrong.
Little did I know, authenticity looks very different from person to person.
Now that I know better, I would define it like this:
“Authenticity is the ability to show up, to make choices, to respond to the world, and to BE, in accordance with your own inner compass and rhythm.”
Everyone has their own unique, true self. The special essence that authentically belongs to one individual and you can’t find it anywhere else. And therefore, authenticity is a subjective assessment, not objective. It needs a deep sense of discernment to what feels true, not what is perceived as a right by others. This means a person who consciously decides to be quiet in a corner can be as authentic as the dancing queen at the party. If that’s where her inner compass leads her to.
What about authentic living? (And why should you care?)
I think “authentic living” is such a wonderful phrase. I love the sound of it. But what is it exactly? What does it look like? Allow me to paint it with a few statements that feel authentic to me.
Authentic living, to me, looks like:
- Making intentional choices and acting with integrity according to your own truest truth.
- Showing up, day-to-day, in alignment with your inner compass.
- Moving and dancing to the rhythm of your own soul. (because authenticity isn’t stagnant)
… regardless of what society expects or demands you to do or to be.
“But isn’t that selfish?”
I’m glad you asked. To (indirectly) answer your valid question, here are a few reasons why you should deeply consider embracing a more authentic living.
- Authentic people are authentically kind, with healthy boundaries. Because there can’t be authenticity without a deep honor to humanity.
- Authentic kindness leads to fulfillment and deep connections. Inauthentic kindness leads to exhaustion, resentment, unhealthy expectations, and disconnection.
- When you are committed to fully embracing your authenticity, you’re giving permission for others to do the same. Your authentic being sends them a memo, that they are, too, can be true and free. You are role modelling to others the purest kind of self love: to not, ever, abandon yourself, no matter what.
- Living authentically brings more lightness to your day. Because you aren’t wasting your precious energy in sustaining your masks or tiptoeing all the time. With this kind of lightness, you love others purer and better.
- Authenticity is the highest quality of soil for creativity to sprout, grow, and flourish. You nurture a relationship with the magical sides of Life.
- When you serve and contribute from an authentic place, you’re freeing others from owing you anything. You’re coming FROM love, not FOR love.
- This is your ONE, and precious, life. Why would you want to waste it to be someone you are not?
Starting Your Authenticity Journey
To embrace a more authentic living, you need to start exploring your inner terrain. To start sensing what feels true, and what’s not, beyond right or wrong. To understand how it feels in your body (because your body always gives messages). To be aware of the areas in life when you tend to have some knee-jerk reactions that you eventually regret. To observe circumstances where you over compromise, over please, over worry, or keep on walking on eggshells. Observe and start becoming aware of your patterns.
These observations are critical for it brings you clues about areas you need to work on and to heal. Because inauthenticity is a trauma response.
Somewhere in your childhood, you began to develop a belief system that it wasn’t safe to be who you truly were. Your child self started to believe that in order to survive in the environment you were in, you needed to act, speak, and be in a certain way. This could be teachings from our parents, schools, the entertainment industry or even just society around us.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to gauge just where you’re at with living authentically.
- Is it easy for you to say NO to others when it doesn’t feel good and true to you?
- Are you in the practice of filling your own cup, prioritizing your own wellbeing, before serving others?
- Do you feel content with the way you live your life daily?
- Do you usually show up in alignment? (when what you think, say, and do that are fully aligned with your values and truth)
- Do you feel fine with being different? (whatever “different” means to you)
- Do you feel fine if you were to be misunderstood by others?
- Do you feel detached from people’s opinion about you?
- Are you in the habit of making conscious choices for your physical and emotional health and wellbeing?
This is a non-exhaustive list but the bottom line is, the more you are sure with yourself deep within, the more authentic you are to yourself. The lesser you care about what people think, say or share about you, the closer you are to living a life that is crafted by you, for you.
| What True Authenticity Is Also About Authenticity is also about embracing both the Divine and the Human side of you, unapologetically. Understanding that THIS is the journey of being human. Sometimes you shine and fly high, another time you’ll stumble and fall. Accepting that sometimes your response isn’t in alignment with your truth. Accepting that sometimes you do things you aren’t proud of. Accepting that you can receive the worst news at almost the worst time. Embracing all colors in your human experience. For example, what if you’re experiencing a heartbreak right when you need to meet a crucial deadline at work. Exactly at that moment, what would you do? Would you curl up on the floor and cancel all your plans? Would you push yourself out of the door and wear your smiley mask? What would you choose at that moment? I trust there’s never a perfect formula for this. What I know is good for MY heart and soul, might not be the case for yours. But here’s what I know to be true. There are 3 critical steps of following your own inner compass, that can’t ever do you wrong. Remember: I – D – C Intention. Discernment. Commitment. Intention A clear intention to never, ever abandon yourself. Ever again. No. matter. What. Discernment A deep understanding of what your body, your heart, your soul, needs exactly at this moment? Because at times, perhaps you do need to create a spacious space to just breathe and sit with your sacred tears in your own cave. To allow. To sit with it. But at another time, perhaps your body needs you to bring her to move and connect with the outside world. There is no perfect formula for this. It’s a deep knowing. It’s an intimate relationship between you with your heart that you need to cultivate. Discernment is the critical step when you need to gently listen to the subtle truth inside of yourself. Not the conditioned thoughts, not what other people think. But your, one, truest truth. Your inner compass. Commitment Now, this might be the hardest part. Not just a mediocre level of commitment. A radical commitment. A commitment to follow whatever answer you receive from your Discernment homework. Regardless of whatever the fear that comes up. This kind of radical commitment requires Trust, with capital T. Trust in knowing that whenever you choose yourself and your truth, other things will fall into places at the right timing. There’s no rush, there’s no loss. No disaster will happen if you now choose your heart. One thing I genuinely hope you wouldn’t do is to suppress and reject it. Let the energy move in motion. Let it move you. Let it shift you. Let it bring you to liberation. When your heart tries to speak, … listen. |
If you need further support and are feeling ready to take the necessary steps to embrace a more authentic living, I am available for a free consultation. We’ll identify together and get you clear on the areas you need to focus on.
Click this link to find a good time slot. I cannot wait to speak with you!
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